at any restaurant or bar i've ever worked, there is the opening shift. the opener comes in anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour early to set up; you know, put out the condiments, prep bar fruit and backups, pull down chairs, etc... in it's own right, it's a great way to start off a long night; listen to a little music, be alone with your thoughts; it gives you time to mentally prepare for what's ahead. it gives you a minute to not deal with people.
 |
| some people will try anything |
or so goes the expectation.
in reality (and this is pretty much a guarantee at any busy place), frenzied pre-customers, chomping at the bit and jonesin' for this beer or that burger, begin pulling at the door, knocking on the glass, and fogging up the windows with annoyance and confusion.
at one place i worked, we had liquor and food deliveries during the day, so we kept the door propped open. in order to dispel any notions that we were in fact open for business, we kept a rather large, heavy chain slung across the doorway with a chalkboard attached that read, Open at 4. Now, I understand that the door was open, which to some really screams: GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! THERE'S BEER! BEEEEEEERRRR!!! however, i like to think that the chain was a simple enough reply to the temptations of a beckoning doorway. i like to think that it screamed in a voice just as loud: STAY OUT OR I'LL BREAK YOUR KNEES. or maybe that's just what i hoped it was screaming.
in any case, it didn't work. people still knocked on the windows, or leaned over the chain to shout if we were open. on the not so rare occasion, i'd have people ignore the chain completely, either ducking under it or climbing over it, only to stop in the darkened bar, surrounded by a forest of upturned chairs, look at me and ask, Are you guys open or what? I always felt like taking a long look at the chairs still on the tables and then shouting back, What do you think, asshole? Sit wherever you like! i never did though.
at the current restaurant, there isn't a chain, simply a locked door, which you could assume would be even more of a deterrent. but you'd be wrong. even after they've realized that the door is locked, people still shake and yank on the handle, knock on the window, or cup their hands to gaze longingly at the upturned chairs. they pound on the door, wave at me, and point to the imaginary watch on their wrist. obviously they're hungry and ready to eat, so how in the world could we possibly be closed??
i was setting up the outdoor tables this summer, enjoying a minute of calm and a cool breeze when an obese man in an SUV rolled up to the curb, beep beeped his horn at me, and leaned over the seat to shout at me through his open window. Are you open? he screeched. I'm sure at that point my eyes rolled back in my head, white like a sharks when their feeding. No. I said calmly, 9am. He drove away without another word. i could feel my eye start to twitch.
Knowing that people are looking at you and seeing not a person trying to do her job, but a horrible barrier standing between them and the calming sensation of food and drink flowing into their gaping maws is a disheartening way to start the day. so in honor of all you people who simply cannot wait another second, i'd like to say thank you. thank you for destroying the only semblance of rare peace i ever get at work. it is in your honor that i've named new
rule #16.
congratulations. jerks.
